Bids for Connection
Version 1.0.0 · Updated 2026-07-30
CORE DEFINITION
In interpersonal interactions, any small signal from one party seeking attention, affirmation, or emotional connection (e.g., "Look at that bird," "sighing"). The quality of the relationship depends on how the other party responds to these bids: Turning Toward, Turning Away, or Turning Against.
SCAFFOLDING EFFECT
Reduce cognitive load
Relationship micro-management. Do not ignore your partner's or colleague's trivial talk. Those tiny interaction requests are the atoms of relationships. High-frequency "turning toward" responses maintain system stability better than expensive gifts.
Anchor fast decisions
Gottman concept: Partners use 'bids' such as smiles or confiding to seek attention and connection; the other's response or rejection greatly impacts relationship quality. The mechanism is that daily small interactions accumulate trust or distance.
MINIMUM ACTION
In progress 0/1Practice this model in one real situation:
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Source support: Explicit
- gottman.comhttps://www.gottman.com/blog/small-actions-make-big-impactsverified
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