MENTAL MODEL · M9838

Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode

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Updated 2026-08-15

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INTRODUCTION

English translation pending.

CORE DEFINITION

The Thomas-Kilmann conflict mode instrument, developed by Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann, maps five ways of handling conflict onto two axes: assertiveness, the concern for one's own outcome, and cooperativeness, the concern for the other's outcome. Competing is high on assertiveness and low on cooperativeness; collaborating is high on both; compromising sits in the middle; avoiding is low on both; and accommodating is low on assertiveness and high on cooperativeness. The core proposition is that no mode is inherently good, and skill lies in matching the mode to the stakes and the relationship. The key qualification is that each person tends to overuse one or two modes, so the value comes from deliberately widening the repertoire.

SCAFFOLDING EFFECT

psychology

Reduce cognitive load

- Place The Stakes: score how much the outcome and the relationship each matter before opening the conflict. - Pick The Mode: choose one of the five deliberately instead of defaulting to your habit. - Watch Your Default: notice which mode you reach for automatically and ask whether it fits here.

anchor

Anchor fast decisions

Conflict behaviour is usually a reflex trained by past relationships, so the same response is deployed whether the stakes are trivial or existential. The two axes make the cost of that reflex visible, since a mode that ignores the outcome concedes value and a mode that ignores the relationship burns it. Naming the five modes converts behaviour into a choice, which is what allows a person to compete on a safety issue and accommodate on a trifle without feeling inconsistent.

MINIMUM ACTION

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Practice this model in one real situation:

Before the conversation, rate how much the outcome matters and how much the relationship matters. 2. Match the pair of ratings to one of the five modes. 3. State your chosen mode openly if it helps the other party follow. 4. Run the mode cleanly, competing without insult or collaborating without dragging out the process. 5. Review afterwards whether your habit overrode your choice.

Check to track your progress (stored locally)

Learning progress0%

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Source support: Explicit

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en.wikipedia.orghttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas%E2%80%93Kilmann_Conflict_Mode_InstrumentZH · Explicit
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