Self-object
Updated 2026-07-31
INTRODUCTION
English translation pending.
CORE DEFINITION
Self-object is a term from Heinz Kohut's self psychology. People need certain others to maintain the cohesion and stability of the self, and these others are experienced not as separate subjects but as extensions of one's own functioning, such as a parent who exists to provide mirroring or a partner who exists to confirm one's attractiveness. When self-cohesion is weak, reliance on self-objects becomes intense. The concept describes a developmental need, not simply a pathology.
SCAFFOLDING EFFECT
Reduce cognitive load
- Relationship Audit: ask whether you love this person or use them as an emotional container. - Distinguishing Needs: separate the need to be mirrored from the act of actually seeing someone. - Restoring Subjects: practise returning the other person to the status of an independent agent.
Anchor fast decisions
The self is built and maintained through relationships. When internal regulation is insufficient, an external figure supplies the missing function, so the other person is experienced as part of oneself rather than as a separate mind. This works, which is why the reliance persists, but it also means the other's independent wishes register as a threat to one's own stability.
MINIMUM ACTION
In progress 0/1Practice this model in one real situation:
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Source support: Explicit
- en.wikipedia.orghttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self_psychologyverified
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